Should I stay or should I go now?

The Clash are brilliant aren't they? Some of the lyrics have been haunting me lately, maybe not in the same context, but you know what I mean. Leaving or the idea of leaving has reared it's ugly head and is just staring at me in the face, especially as I see my good friends here leaving soon. I can't help but be nostalgic, weepy and grumpy to the world. A part of that is because I'll miss my friends and I'll feel the void after they leave whole heartedly. Yet, another big part of my discontent right now lies within my own self. What the hell am I doing here is a constant theme running through my head as of late.

I try to consider the possiblities:

1. I am running away from home
2. I am avoiding starting the next part of my life
3. I am scared to leave what I know
4. I have a good job that I mostly like and am used to doing it
5. I am lazy
6. I hate living in the States
7. I am waiting for a miracle to occur to change my life and give it infinite meaning
8. I love Japan (mostly) and I don't want to live anywhere else at the moment

Some of these definitely carry some merit but other more positive ones outweigh the others so much it makes them seem insignificant unless I'm obsessing about leaving like now. I feel I made the right decision to stay. I have a midget asshole to thank for this decision mostly, but none the less if there were no midget assholes I may be super, super resenting my life if I made a different decision. So hurray for midget assholes!

This post is more like a public note to self, so I apologize. I tend to talk to myself a lot and that's only natural that I extend that habit to my writing skills, so I apologize to the three people who read this. I think the there are certain things that I'm gonna watch for that are certain signs that I need to get the hell out of here as fast as I can.

Warning signs

When these apply I'm outta here:
(copied from a 'You know you've been in Japan too long if...' website)

...you think "white pills, blue pills, and pink powder" is an adequate answer to the question "What are you giving me, doctor?"
...you think 4 layers of wrapping is reasonable for a simple piece of merchandise.
...a new Gaijin moves to your neighborhood and you know immediately you will get his mail for a while.
...you think the meaning of a red traffic light is: "Hurry up! 10 cars now in quick succession, and then we'll think about slowing down."
...when you get on a train with a number of gaijin on it and you feel uneasy because the harmony is broken.
...you think the natural location for a beer garden is on a roof.
..you ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
...when in the middle of nowhere, totally surrounded by rice fields and abundant nature, you aren't surprised to find a drink vending machine with no visible means of a power supply...
...and when you think nothing of it when that lonely vending machine says 'thank you' after you buy a coke.
...you stand before a sign on a bridge and ponder the possible meanings of "Bridge Freezes Before Road."
...you notice you've forgotten how to tie shoelaces.
...you rush onto an escalator, and just stand there.
...you find yourself bowing while you talk on the phone.
...you think US$17 isn't such a bad price for a new paperback.
...you don't hesitate to put a $10 note into a vending machine.
...you don't think it unusual for a truck to play "It's a Small World" when backing up.
...you really enjoy corn soup with your Big Mac.
...you can't have your picture taken without your fingers forming the peace sign.
...on a cold autumn night, the only thing you want for dinner is nabe and nihonshu.
...when you believe that the perfect side dish to eat with a juicy, deep-fried pork chop is a pile of raw, tasteless, shredded cabbage.
...you are speaking in English but all references to money come out in Japanese.
...you answer "hai!" even when speaking English to non-Japanese friends.
...you select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off.
...you think any lunch costing less than US$10 is cheap.
..."Ohio" no longer means the state.
...you don't think twice about sitting on the floor barefoot in an expensive restaurant.
...you can back into a Japanese parking space -- without your passenger getting out and guiding you in.
...you look forward to winter in your Japanese house so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom and bathroom.
...you stop turning on your windshield wipers before you make a turn.
...you would not only settle for Taco Bell, you would actually kill for it.
...people ask, "Do you want to go by car?" and you respond, "No, I'm in a hurry."
...you can't remember saying 6 bucks was too much to see a movie.
...your daily knowledge of the exchange rate would make a commodities broker proud.

I'm only halfway there. Gotta go work now.