Hmm...

Why does the weekend always go so fast? Why doesn't my laundry do itself? Why does unwashed dog smell so badly? Questions that I'm pondering today. Also, what should I eat for breakfast and why do I wake up so early when it's my day off? Maybe huevos and bagels? But that means I'd have to drive.. and get dressed, ugh. Cereal, you win again.. you win again. I kind of wish I stopped having to go to work on the weekends, one day off is not enough to keep me sane. Yesterday was supposed to be the last day for the year, but me has a sneaking suspicion that they lie.. Just like most of the people I date.. oooooooh~ hahaha *sob* Anyway, I'm going to get some crabs later, so it's probably best I don't eat heavy now. I don't mean those crabs, I mean the kind you eat from the place I go on Sundays. I'm off to do the laundry.. For the maybe one person who reads this, look out soon, I'm starting a blog about beer. It shall be fantastique!

The "Misoji" club

Wow. Thirty. My most traumatic birthday yet. I got rid of someone I really cared about because it's not fair for caring to be so uneven. My body feels okay, except I know that I can not bounce back from consuming large amounts of alcohol like I used to (thank goodness for sick days.) I'm feeling like I can bounce back better emotionally, at least.

At thirty, the kindness of strangers and the audacity of rude people still shock me. I feel more able to cry when I'm happy and when I'm sad. I find when I do get upset, I'm less willing to accept excuses. I have more things I want to do with my life and things that I want to learn. I seem to have all the time in the world and yet time goes by so fast my head is constantly spinning.

I'm not 100% happy with where I am or maybe even where I'm going, but I'm okay with where I am right now. I want to see, feel, and experience everything I can and hopefully I can do that with someone cool someday. Thirty is just starting and although I'm off to a rough start, I can do nothing but thank the stranger who hugged a very drunken me in a bathroom during a fantastically low point in my life and gave me hope by telling me I was just beginning to live the best part of my life. Corny, I know, but wherever you are, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thirty birthday... bad, thirtieth year.. we'll see.

Las Vegas

I live in Las Vegas. Apparently most people assume that means I go out and party til the break of dawn, have an endless supply of hooker shoes and have a million friends. This is not the case, but I appreciate the assumptions. My reality is this: I go to sleep around 10 or 11 nearly every night and I don't mind; I have flat caveman feet and the one pair of hooker shoes that I own have only walked the streets a total of one or two nights for fear that I will slip and fall and crack my head open- oh and my feet cramp up when I wear them although they are very sexy; I have three friends in Vegas right now- four if I count my brother. Three out of four of those friends, I met ages ago and they have to be my friends due to the 'longevity of knowing someone' rule. The fourth friend... that's info I'll keep to myself for now.

The first time I lived here, I was miserable but then again, I was in a very different place in my life then. I like it. I wish I could travel more, but I can only have so much debt before I have to start selling my blood on a regular basis for food. Maybe I can get more hooker shoes to start a new "side-career." Still, the slipping and cracking thing is pertinent... I'll consider it. I promise a spicier entry next time. I'm just being lazy today. I did morning yoga and was so relaxed I fell asleep for 3 hours. I think I need to be just a tad bit more adventurous. Toodles.

Sore dewa hajimemasho...

It's been forever and a year since I posted on this blog. I feel it was cathardic when I started to blog my new adventure in Japan and have decided to start again on this new portion of my life. Nobody I know, probably nobody in general will read this but I'd like to have a public record of the stuff that goes on to just kinda check that I'm not 100% crazy.

I live in the city of Sin, have gotten a better job not too long ago, still speak Japanese to myself when I'm really drunk, and miss my friends from Japan something fierce. I have a car that I spent waaaaay too much money fixing up, am in the process of moving in with a friend of mine to appease what little sanity I have left and recommend drinking Michelob Ultra on an empty stomach in order to get the least amount of calories AND a buzz. I run the gambit of emotions and experiences here and haven't quite gotten used to it yet.. Will post a mini-summary since the last post forever and year ago up to this point soonish. Must finish packing.

Isla de Salsa 2007

How not to pick up a sober girl at a bar

For any male readers I have and who hopefully aren't married, this is short guide on do's and don'ts of how not to pick up on a sober girl at a bar and tips on how to recognize if a girl is sober or not.

Tips on how to recognize if a girl is sober.
1. If you ask, "What are you drinking" and she says, "Gingerale" and then she proceeds to tell you how she isn't drinking tonight because she's the designated driver.

2. If you ask her a second time and she repeats answer to number 1.

3. If you offer to buy her a beer and then she says, "No thanks, I'm not drinking alcohol tonight, because I'm the designated driver, that means I have to drive home" that's a good sign she's sober.

4. If she asks you, "Do you drink a lot?" and you say yes, and she doesn't say anything, and you say drunkenly while wobbling in your chair, "Why is that a problem?" And she responds, "you can do what you like, I'm just not really into drinking anymore", she may be a tad more sober than you.

Do not...
1. Say "hi" next to a girl and wave then very awkwardly work your hand from shoulder to ass gently tapping the ass. This is definitely not a good way to start off your attempt.

2. Try to sit-side-hug the girl next to you after you have tried number 1. A good sign to not continue touching the girl next to you, would be if the girl next to you says, "Jesus, do I know you? I see you're drunk, but I'm definitely not.*"

3. Do long handshakes. Though this may be incontrollable depending on one's drunkeness or creepiness level, if the girl is frantically trying to pull back her hand, it's a safe bet, you're still hanging on to the hand and it's time to let go.

4. Say cheesy lines like, "Hey, wow, you look really sweet." or "Wow, you're really cute." Especially if you are still doing the long handshake thing. Also if the girl is repeating what you're saying in what sounds like a bitchy or sarcastic tone, that's a sign she's not falling for it.

5. Talk about your crazy wife that you're separated from and your kid that you never see. Just because you're going to be "officially divorced" in November makes no difference if the girl doesn't like you in the first place.

6. Ask for a girl's phone number and say you'd really like to see her again, why still trying to caress her butt (and getting your hand slapped and poked in the chest simultaneously) after talking about a time when you got really drunk and beat up some men Russian men, while you were drunk and naked in Hong Kong and then got on a boat and proceeded to dance with your buddies... while naked.

7. Try and cross your leg over your knee when sitting at the bar stool, while sitting very close to the bar. It won't work no matter how hard you try.

8. Have a violent sneezing attack and then wipe snot on your shirt. And then as the girl next to you ask you if you're okay, say in an accusing voice, "Are you wearing perfume or cologne or something?"

9. Tell the girl you're leaving because you're going to hit on a girl who wants your attention, start rubbing on some girl and then try to come back to hit on the girl who just saw you do that 5 minutes later.

10. Tell me you really enjoy the Filipino ladies because they are just so attentive of a man's needs... so much in fact, you've learned Tagalog. Oh did I mention not to scratch your no-no place while saying this?

I could go on, but I think you can get the point. Basically Do's are simple, don't ask like the jack-ass that hit on me tonight and you might have a chance.

The prime minister, back injury, humidity and McDonalds

I know, I know, I haven't written in forever. Not many people read this and it's frankly too hot to be typing unless my fan is directly on me like it is right now and it's the middle of the night. I haven't been up to much lately besides sweating and waiting for time to pass so I can get to my vacation. Let's see, recently I renewed my Visa so I wouldn't get arrested or fined. Not an exciting task, by any means, but it meant I got to get the hell out of my town for a bit and head to a slightly bigger city. Basically I was excited because I could have Indian for lunch (mmmm, Indian food). However on this trip I actually got to see the Prime minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe. He was about 10 feet away from me and my friend Karen, trying to campaign for reelection in my small prefecture. I tried to get a photo, but I couldn't find my phone and by the time I did, I could only see him from behind. Eh well, it was exciting for the day. I should have waved my passport and bank book in his face, but I only thought about that later on (he doesn't really like foreigners and he thinks the foreigners who are here shouldn't be able to send money to their home countries, like the friggin' yen is so powerful, whose damn fault is that, Abe-poopy face????) Abe Poopyface, (he'll probably be the PM in office for the
shortest amount of time in Japanese history, if we're lucky!)

I'm still trying to exercise and get healthier, but I think I have muscle strain for the new position I'm being trained for on my tug-of-war team. I'm trying to take it easy, but I'm feeling the pressure of being in a Japanese club, even as an adult and I feel the need to do the impossible for the good of the team. I took this week off to recover a bit though, don't worry mom! I'll be posting videos and pics of my next practice hopefully next week.

On other news, there is a McDonalds that has opened up around the corner from my house and I feel it is mocking me everytime I go outside. Damn you, McFlurries! I curse the day some fat guy invented you. I've remedied my urge by buying a appetite control stick. It's like those Vicks inhaler things that were wildly popular before, but it smells like hippie and actually doesn't make you want to eat, but does make you want to shower. My water bill will be huge this month!

Japan is so hot this time of year, but at least it's not as hot as in Vegas, where I hope and pray Jaime and Lanie aren't melting in the desert. Thank God you have central heating and cooling. Anyways, I'm sticky and am going to see if a shower will make me sleepy. Take care all of you. xoxo