Spider vs Human

Holy moley! I just killed or maybe just injured the biggest spider I have ever seen inside a house. This was even bigger than the spider that was the size of my hand on the back of my couch and I had to call Dayo to come across town to kill with a half can of raid. I was gonna catch it in a party cup first, I try not to kill animals, just talk them down from the ledge and the hell outta my house, but I realized it was wayyyy too small for the freakin thing and had to empty my trash can to catch it after a 20 minute stuggle. My neighbors are probably gonna leave me a nasty note for screaming twice as it dodged the trash can two times. I lost it for a bit, but was gonna tear up my house if I couldn't find it, so thanks to a handy flashlight I found it's beady ass eyes mad-doggin' me. I say, nah-uh (mother's accent kickin' in) GET DA HELL OUDA MY HOUSE, PINCHE CABRONE! I sprayed it, ran, I sprayed and kicked things around to make it go outside and it went further inside unfazed by the deadly spray which is now giving me a headache. Right before it got into the kitchen I trash canned it. I could hear it moving trying to get out. I almost died. After internally screaming for 6 mins or so, I managed to get something over it and got it off the wall. I breathed, but then the top came off I screamed again, said NO WAY YOU'RE GETTING OUT! and opened the screen door then kicked trash can and top outside and slammed the door shut. I hope it burns in spider hell. It's got all of outside to chill, why's it gotta be up in my shit, bugging me on a Friday night?

Sometimes I think it maybe easier to kill or beat an intruder than to kill a spider, bug or creepy crawly thing. Aaah, I have phantom spider chills. Fa&kin' spider, rot!!!!!!