Starting over with everything..

I lived and worked in Japan for a long time and have come back in a time of economic and ever present family drama to try and gain a foothold in my so-called home country. Armed with nothing but dog fur, a crappy car, a laptop that hates me, I try to see how far I can get.

Monday, November 28, 2005


I feel like my head is in the clouds as of late. That's partial due to my cold/TB-like symptoms but mostly due to my mental state of mind which is seemingly dodging in and out of lucidity whenever it damn well pleases. I find myself walking aimlessly around and around my apartment or grocery store. I have waves of emotion from happy for no good damn reason to wanting to ball my eyes out and wanting to get sick simultaneously. I can't explain why, but I tell ya, I'm damn sick of it. I have some serious negative energy balled up in me or something and I can't find a way to get it out. I can't even cry anymore, my body is too tired or I have no tears left.

Ugh! I'm sick of this and I'm hoping that maybe it will just up and go away. I need a vacation more than anything right now. Quiero caminar con el proposito de ir algun lado. Quiero senir algo mas que vacio. Siento como estoy en un pozo y ni me importa que estoy alli hogando con el puro aire. Ay de mi. Ni modo...

I had a good time this weekend, but it was a strange good time, I'm guessing due to the haze I'm feeling. I organized a Thanksgiving at another teacher's house. About 15 people came. We did it potluck style and there was waaaaay too much food to gorge myself on. I had a good time tho'. Yesterday, I went to my friend Cecilia's bar and there was live latino music and food. It was all very nice, but strange. I guess I felt it was so out of place, it gets confusing to have familar things in some place so unfamiliar. It was very beautiful, mom you would have loved it. Anyway, I have to get going.


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