Wishing and hoping and plotting...

I often feel like I belong to another time. Don't get me wrong, I never begrudge the fact that because I live in the time I live in, I have opportunities available to me that I never would have had in a different era. Still, I sometimes wish I could have been born in simpler times. Times where things were more straight forward, though difficult... safer, but perhaps more boring... A time where my likes and hobbies wouldn't be considered that of an elderly woman. My mom sometimes says, I was born an old person. I don't entirely disagree. Do we carry on, through the souls of others? Old souls finding new bodies to carry on, having a chance to make their life better in a fantastic way.

Isn't that why people have kids nowadays? Does the collective "they" have kids so they can leave a legacy behind.. to leave some record of themselves in this long running history of the world through their children? The idea is more vain than re-incarnation, isn't it? The whole idea of re-incarnation keeps me going. Perhaps that's blasphemy on my part, being I loosely consider myself a christian. However, believing in the idea of being able to start again and having a better life or a chance at one based on how you live the current one, really just suits me well. The idea keeps me from plotting to kill people who do me wrong, which seems to happen more and more frequently. I've watched so many crime shows and documentaries on murder that I feel pretty confident I have an above average chance at getting away with it. If I less of a conscience... damn.

Speaking of death, I'm headed to a friend's wedding in two weeks time. Just kidding.. I'm probably jealous as hell, and in my recently singular condition, weddings just remind me of dying alone with cats feeding on my decrepit and decaying carcass. I mean, I'm happy for the bride and groom, really, truly.. I just need to practice not glaring at couples at the moment. I'm excited to go to Tokyo again. Yes, I do think the city's impossibly large, cold and confusing, but it's an adventure I need right now. Diszam, I should practice my French.. online course je vais alle.